Let’s get real for a minute. The question really should be, why not? What’s holding you back? Is it your job, your family, your friends, or is it fear? The honest answer is nothing is holding you back but you.
Do you know what you want, and you just haven’t committed enough to it yet? Sometimes we have to remind ourselves what we’re capable of achieving a goal, and sometimes, we have to remind ourselves why it’s worth going after it.
The Pressure’s On
As a woman, you know what it’s like to have pressure on you, and it’s not the same pressure that a man has. They have their type of pressure. In addition to gender role expectations like being ladylike or a good cook, women deal with the pressure to be a good homemaker, an excellent significant other, a working mother.
Now we even have the stress of being a good provider. Sometimes you do that with a spouse, and sometimes you have no choice but to do it alone. Regardless of what pressures or weight you feel, you need to keep your mind clear enough to make decisions based on what is required, what is needed, and what is necessary.
Focus on the things you want to happen
However, you can’t allow yourself to focus only on things that have to happen. Life is way too short, so don’t forget to focus on things you want to happen. Maybe that’s climbing up the corporate ladder, or perhaps it’s owning your own home. Perhaps it’s buying a particular type of vehicle, or maybe you desire a larger family.
Regardless, life is fleeting, we are born, and then we start to die, so why is it that so many of us focus on so many of the things we have to do and so little on the things we want out of life? If we only get to do this once, why not do it the way we want to do it.
Pursuing Your Dreams
When you think about it, it sounds easy to do what you want, but it’s not. It’s not as easy as just waking up and going and buying that sports car because you’ve dreamt of it your whole life. Life is also demanding; life is also not fair.
You have to identify your goal, and then you have to set simple steps that will help you obtain what you’re after. That means that sometimes if you want to own your own home, you have first to climb that corporate ladder. If you want a big family, you may have to walk away from that big paycheck to spend more time at home. It’s challenging to think about everything we have to balance to do what is necessary and achieve what we are after.
Being a Working Mom and Your Mental Health
If you are a good parent, that means you’re expected to be a homeroom mom or the Betty Crocker type, and it is highly frowned upon if you miss a sports game because of a work meeting.
On the other hand, if you decide to be a stay at home mom and don’t have enough money, then you also have to suffer for being the type of mom that can’t afford to contribute to school parties or can’t afford to buy a gift, so that your child can attend a friend’s birthday party.
Breaking the stereotype of motherhood
So how do you navigate this crazy world of being a woman, a mother, and having a career? The answer is simple, change your mindset. Yes, ladies, you can handle it, but it means that you have to not worry about what other people think about you.
It means sometimes you have to put yourself first.
It means sometimes you may miss that soccer game
It means sometimes your babysitter may have to take your child to a birthday party because you’re out of town for work.
It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad mom. It doesn’t mean that you’re a terrible spouse. It means that you are chasing your dreams in life while still taking care of anything and everything around you.
I don’t know about you, but I was taught to believe in the typical mom stereotypes. Mothers care for their children and put supper on the table, clean the house, and do all of those things that women did 50 years ago.
That’s Not Who I Am
I’m pretty sure that that’s not who you are, and we have evolution to thank for that. Just think about it, if a fish can eventually sprout legs and walk on land, why can’t women want something more for themselves? Why can’t you want to have a career to provide for your children. Your career can bring them many of the things that you didn’t have growing up.
Why is it bad for your children to see you getting up every day, going to work, and being the leader that you’re capable of being? I don’t think it should ever be an issue. I want my daughter to see that example. This is a true role model. I want my daughter to understand that she can be anything she wants to be as long as she’s willing to start working for it.
Achieve Your Dreams
I tried to sit down and think of something that you couldn’t be even if you wanted to be. Honestly, I couldn’t really think of much. Maybe if you wanted to be an astronaut but have a bad heart, that would keep you from doing it, but I don’t know; maybe medical science can fix that.
I think barriers, at least most barriers, are in our minds. Whether it’s health and wellness or education, you’ll work towards it if you want something bad enough. If you don’t work towards it, you clearly don’t want it as much as you thought.
Watch others achieve their goals in real time
If you think I’m just making things up, take some time and google the Special Olympics. Watch these fantastic athletes defying the odds. Look at what they’re capable of doing and what they’re achieving. You will see a gymnast with Down syndrome, a cyclist with no legs, and runners with prosthetics.
It’s one of the most phenomenal instances of true inner capability you’ll ever see. If fellow humans defying the odds doesn’t motivate you, I don’t know what will. If that doesn’t inspire you to go after your dreams and goals, you aren’t ready to achieve them. It’s proof that dreams come true.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that everyone’s goals or dreams are possible. Sometimes we need a reality check. If there is something that you truly want and you go after it with all that you have, most likely you are capable of achieving it.
Everyone’s Path is Different
Yes, some people have it way easier.
If you’re born into money, you can start your own business by having financial freedom.
If you’re born to a family in politics, you might have an easier path to becoming a senator or governor because of your exposure and connections in the political landscape.
Law school might be a much easier road for you if your parents were lawyers.
I am not saying that life is fair, but what I am saying is some people are born dirt poor and become incredibly wealthy. There are people whose parents were on welfare their whole lives and they became doctors or lawyers. Some people lost all of their limbs and became Olympic athletes. I’m not kidding; the Special Olympics are a constant reminder of self-imposed limitations.
Don’t let the fear of failure scare you
So why aren’t you going after what you want? Have you thought about what is holding you back? Let me tell you some of the things that have held me back in my life. The fear of failure is probably the biggest one.
I’m not afraid of many things, but I am afraid of being afraid, that’s for sure. I’m also scared of letting myself and other people down. That fear, in particular, keeps you from trying anything new or out of your comfort zone.
I had to change my mindset because how could I ever achieve anything I want if I’m afraid to even try?
I didn’t go back to school because I thought I would be a bad mother if I took classes and spent time away from my son. That fear kept me from getting my degree. I didn’t think my parents would support me, so I didn’t tell them that I was gay until I was almost 20 years old.
That fear prolonged the rebuilding of my relationship with them and moving forward. I didn’t think I was qualified for specific jobs, so I never applied; what if I would’ve? I know I was capable, but I just didn’t.
A Great Piece of Advice
When you allow your fears to dictate your actions, many “what ifs” will haunt you.
“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday, and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live”
— Dalai Lama
It’s a quote that I have always remembered, and it resonates so well with the SheHandlesit mindset. It means, stop worrying about yesterday, stop whining about tomorrow, just get off your ass and do something.
Big or Small, Where Do You Want to Be?
What can you do at this very moment to get you closer to where you want to be? At this moment, the one right now. This is the only moment that you can control.
You can decide to do what you need to do
You can decide what you have to do
You can decide what you want to do
Those decisions are yours to make. No one else has control over this moment, only you.
Right now, jot down what your goals are. What will make you feel happy? Start with the biggest one; if you were to die today, what is the one thing that you would wish you would’ve accomplished or done. Then narrow down from there.
Where do you want to be in 1 year, in 5 years? What do you want to have accomplished in 10 years?
This isn’t Cookie-Cutter Life Advice For Women
Now that you have your significant goals written down, you need to start to separate them and think about all of the little things that need to happen to accomplish the larger goals.
This is something you can do right now, right at this moment, that will set you up for what you want or where you need to be.
Stop waiting, do it right now. Take action, don’t wait, don’t procrastinate, don’t do the dishes, don’t vacuum the floor. Use this moment; you can handle itP
Last modified: June 1, 2022