Teenagers Are Assholes

Let’s just call it like it is.

Now, before you clutch your pearls or call me a terrible mom, hear me out. According to the dictionary, an “asshole” is defined as a stupid, irritating, or contemptible person. Tell me that doesn't sum up the average teenager at least once a week.

Let me be clear: I’m not saying your child is an asshole. I’m saying that as a species, teenagers exhibit all the characteristics of a modern-day one. And spoiler alert—it’s not their fault. It’s just part of growing up.

The Teenage Paradox: They Feel Grown But Act… Not So Much

From the second they’re born, kids are under pressure to grow up. Crawl, walk, talk—do all the things. But teenagers? Teenagers have it especially rough. They feel like adults and want to be treated like adults… while simultaneously doing things like forgetting to turn in assignments they already finished and swearing everything’s fine at school while they’re actively failing art class.

It’s frustrating. And it’s fascinating. And if we’re paying attention, it’s also full of lessons for us as parents—and as people.

Parenting Teens Will Test You… and Teach You

Why write about the irritating behavior of teens? Because parenting them stretches us. It pushes our patience. It demands next-level perseverance. Between the 11PM pickups, the Ramen bowls found under the bed, and the deeply confusing text messages, raising teens is a crash course in personal growth.

If you know me, you know my son and I had a rough go of it in high school. We’re just very different people—and that made it hard to understand each other. He’d do things that made no sense to me. (Like… how do you complete a project and not submit it?!) But that friction revealed some of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned—lessons I’m holding onto as I raise my daughter.

Here’s What My Teen Taught Me:

• He is not me. He deserves the space to figure out who he is.
• His goals aren’t mine. I had to let go of the idea that what I want for him is what he should want for himself.
• His path will look different—and that’s okay.
• I have hindsight; he doesn’t. I’ve lived through this phase. He hasn’t.

You Are Not the Same Person as Your Child

Maybe you’re driven by titles, promotions, and that next big win. But what if your child values peace, purpose, or helping others over ambition? Success can look wildly different for them—and it still counts.

Maybe you thrived in school and collected degrees like merit badges, but your child is miserable in the classroom. That doesn’t mean they can’t thrive elsewhere—maybe as an artist, an entrepreneur, or something you never even imagined.

You love books. They learn through conversations and hands-on experience. You’re goal-oriented. They’re present-focused. None of that means they’re doing it wrong. It just means they’re not doing it like you.

We Have Something They Don’t: Perspective

We’ve lived through our teenage years—awkward crushes, identity crises, questionable fashion choices and all. They haven’t. They’re still in the middle of their mess, and it’s theirs to figure out.

Most of how we parent is shaped by what we’ve seen or lived—good, bad, and everything in between. Whether we’re mimicking our parents or actively trying to do the opposite, the reality is: we’re all figuring it out as we go.

Fear Is Always Lurking

What if they don’t graduate?
What if they get into trouble?
What if they hurt themselves—or someone else?

That fear lives in our heads and drives many of our parenting choices. But our teens don’t see the fear. They just see the reaction—and often, it doesn’t make sense to them. Because they’re still learning. Still becoming. Still growing up.

They also think we were born this way—like we skipped the teen phase entirely. (Which is both funny and a little sad.)

But here’s a radical thought: what if we approached parenting a teenager like we would managing a team?

• What motivates them?
• How do they learn best?
• What’s their love language?

Sometimes, something as simple as knowing how your kid studies best—or how they receive affirmation—can change everything.

Lead Like You’d Want to Be Led

I’d never assign an employee a project without explaining the expectations. So why do we tell our kids, “Because I said so,” and expect that to land?

Teens are wired to push boundaries—but they also need leadership. That starts with us meeting them where they are, not demanding they rise to where we are.

Teenagers Make Us Better Adults

Parenting my son made me a better leader. It helped me become more patient. More curious. More willing to listen before reacting.

That moody, maddening, wonderfully complex “little asshole” of mine taught me more about people than any book ever could. And for that, I’ll always be grateful.

As I raise my daughter, I hope to show up with more grace, more self-awareness, and a deeper understanding that not everyone sees the world the way I do. That goes for my kids, my employees, and everyone in between.

Because at the end of the day, we’re all just growing up. Some of us are just doing it with a little more hindsight.